


Impatient They Start; Fearful They End

by ethericcactus (marvelsstan_alsolikeshetalia)



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Dipper Pines is Depressed, Dipper Pines is Sad, Gen, Get This Boy Some Help Please, Older Dipper Pines, and he debates it at the time for a hot second in the fic, but he ain’t gonna admit that, but yeah uh, dipper’s not okay, first published/finished work of the fandom, he’s like uhhh i think i made him 3 years older?? he’s in highscool, if you haven’t watched it yet you should it’s rly good, ill link it, implied depression, implied suicidal thoughts, it’s rated t bc some serious subjects are implied, i’m not particularly sad rn that’s why i was able to finish writing this lmao, mabel stan ford soos wendy and melody are all mentioned but do not actually appear in the fic, okay so y’all know that one animatic yeah that shit made me sad so, the song and title is from a sadness runs through him, theres a gravity falls animatic, this is just me venting, trigger warnings!!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-24 16:20:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22220845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvelsstan_alsolikeshetalia/pseuds/ethericcactus
Summary: Dipper contemplates a few things.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 61





	Impatient They Start; Fearful They End

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING - SUICIDE/DEPRESSION SYMPTOMS ARE REFERENCED HEAVILY  
> nothing graphic is actually shown, but it’s heavily implied that dipper is suicidal
> 
> okay my rambling is going on the end notes

Dipper watches. He watched the town bustle with the glow of the evening; people wandering about, getting ready to turn in for the evening. It’s full of life.

Soos would be down there. His fiancé, Melody, would be with him. Most likely, they would have ordered takeout, since they were both fans of that kind of food. They’d be sitting down to eat and watch TV and enjoy each other's company.

Wendy would be down there. She might be with her family, cheering on the latest football game after an early dinner. Or, maybe, she’s with her friend. Lee and Nate would be imploring her to do something crazy, while Tambry watches with vague amusement in the back. Thompson would be telling them to stop, but everyone, including Thompson himself would know he didn’t really mean it. Robbie might be there, cheering with Lee and Nate, hanging around Tambry just to  _ be _ around her.

Stan would be down there. After he’d come back, he’d set up shop again, though he was sort of a co-ownership with Soos. He’d be in the living area of the Mystery Shack, watching TV and yelling way too obnoxiously. So that if there were any neighbors around, there would already be noise complaints.

Ford would be down there. He’d be in his lab, checking on everything since he’d been gone. After all, Gravity Falls wasn’t a town that stayed the same after long periods of time. He’d probably have skipped dinner - Stan might’ve forced him to eat something. That was likely.

Mabel would be down there. She’d probably be at Grenda’s house, since Candy’s house was super small and Pacifica’s parents didn’t like that she was friends with  _ “commoners”.  _ They’d be setting up their pillows and blankets and beds, ready for a night of laughing and talking.

His family would be down there. Dipper would not.

He sighs, idly tugging at the end of the right sleeve on his jacket. It’s a chilly night. His skin rises with the bite of the cold, goosebumps trailing uncomfortably under the clothes.

He leans back against the cool metal of the building, listening to the quiet sloshing of the water in the water tower. It should probably make him nervous how unsteady the structure was, but…

Dipper shuts his eyes. He’s tired.

Reaching over in his pocket, he slips out his phone. He opens his eyes and lazily scrolls through his apps until he opens a music app, and hits play on a random playlist. A melody begins at the softest setting on his phone, but it’s enough noise that Dipper’s more comfortable.

He knows why he keeps coming up here, but he knows his reasonings will never come to light. They can’t. He’d rather  _ die _ than let those reasons get out.

_ Heh.  _ Die _. _

Dipper shuts his eyes again, feeling the chill of the air. Just barely over the sound of the music he can hear crickets and other small critters. He can hear the wind blowing, rustling through the forest that surrounds the small town.

To think: He’s in such an amazing place, with so many amazing people and places and new things to be discovered, and he can’t find the reasoning to do it.

Dipper’s right leg is pulled up near his chest, swinging slightly in beat with the music. His other leg is stretched out; his foot is dangling over the ledge.

He rolls the foot, feeling the freedom of the movement. There was nothing below him for hundreds of feet, only air. How nice it would be if he were to just be able to float.

Then again, he would probably never see the ground again.

Often times, his thoughts feel like that. He can’t focus all the time. Even things he  _ knows _ should interest him just… don’t. It’s becoming a constant struggle to be entertained with everything around him, because everything has become so boring.

He wished he could be more like his sister. Mabel was the best thing in his life. He’d do  _ anything _ for her.

...Except, ironically, what she wants from him most, which is to  _ talk  _ to her.

Mabel isn’t stupid, and Dipper isn’t naïve enough to think he was going to be able to hide a single thing from her. She knows something is wrong, and Dipper knows she just wants to help. He can’t let her, though. He can’t let her see him at his lowest.

_ Isn’t everyday my lowest? _

He’d already managed to finish his summer homework, which was honestly a huge surprise for him. Usually (at least, in recent times), he waits until the last minute because he can’t find the energy to do it ahead of time. However, in an odd-ball deal with Grunkle Stan, he managed to get all of it done in just. a few days.

_ (Either he go outside and do what he used to always do - research the paranormal, that is - or do all of his homework. Since Stan was forcing him to  _ do _ something and Dipper didn’t want to leave the house, he ended up choosing his homework. Stan was surprised, at first, but seemingly came to the conclusion that Dipper just wanted to make sure that Stan, couldn’t hold it over his head anymore.) _

However, since he doesn’t have his homework leering over his shoulder anymore, he just… doesn’t have anything to do. Since Mabel and Dipper don’t come during the rest of the year, Soos had hired actual employees for the Mystery Shack. They were all mysteries in themselves, and Dipper liked them all just fine, but it meant he didn’t have to work at the Shack anymore.

It gave him a  _ lot _ of free time. Free time that he didn’t know how to spend.

Mabel was ecstatic, of course. More time to do everything she’d ever wanted to do? Awesome!

Dipper, on the other hand, tried to keep up his research of the Gravity Falls weirdness. Key word being  _ tried. _

After only about a week, he found himself wanting to leave the house less and less each day. One day, finally, he just didn’t go out and layed in bed all day. He slept on and off, and otherwise just listened to music and let his thoughts drift.

That was a nice day, but when Soos made him get up for dinner, he felt terrible. He knew he looked terrible as well, having to answer to Soos, Melody, and Stan as to why he looked so bad. He didn’t have an answer for them that day.

For the most part, no one seems to notice his change in behavior. That, or they just don’t care. Stan blamed it on his teenage hormones or something. Soos was concerned at first, but after a talk with Stan, he seemed a lot more at ease. Melody never knew him too well, and though she was the one who probably gave him the most concerned glances aside from Mabel, since Soos was content enough with how Dipper was acting, she never commented on it.

Dipper hasn’t spent much time with anyone else this summer. Wendy doesn’t work at the Shack anymore because it’s her first year in college, and she wants to focus on her studies. Dipper can understand that, though he is  ~~ extremely ~~ a little disappointed that he doesn’t get to spend any time with her anymore.

The song fades out, and a different melody starts. He recognizes this one.

_ People are puppets held together with string. There’s a beautiful sadness that runs through him. As he asked me to pray to the god he doesn’t believe in. _

Dipper stands up suddenly, ignoring the sudden blood rush to his head. He steps forward once, twice, and his hands grasp the edge of the railing. He has to wait for a moment, for his vision to clear after the head rush. When he does, his heart rate spikes.

He’s high up. He can see the ground below, but in the inky darkness of the evening and the height of which he’s at, he can’t make out more than a few dull colours. He notices then that he left his glasses at home.

He leans forward, feeling adrenaline rush through him as he leans just a bit  _ too _ far. His foot slips, but he’s quick to steady himself. After regaining his footing, he leans forward again, slower this time.

His hat flies off his head. The wind’s picked up.

Dipper watches as his hat blows into the distance, making note of where it lands so he can go pick it up when he climbs down.

_ When he… climbs… …down… _

Dipper leans forward again.

_ There are much easier ways to get to the ground. _

Dipper sighs after a moment, pulling back from the edge. Mabel made plans for them to go do something or another, and he can’t bail on her. Dipper reaches down and picks up his phone, shoving it into his pocket without turning the music off. He turns away from the edge and walks to the ladder, not spending another moment on the tower. He climbs down, still keeping in mind where his hat flew off.

_ He couldn’t be saved. A sadness runs through him. _

**Author's Note:**

> hmmm i wrote this in like the span of three hours and i was watching a movie during the beginning part
> 
> tell me if there’s some error i didn’t have anyone beta this thanks
> 
> also here’s the link to the song it’s super good: https://youtu.be/_rQ-PxmGf6s
> 
> uhhh but yeah. this isnt meant to be a SUPER depressing fic i just. like venting sometimes.
> 
> what better way to do that than by projecting onto my favourite characters amiright????
> 
> i really want to be clear that this isn’t meant to be taken lightly. depression is a serious thing, and if you are ever feeling this way, i’m urging you to reach out to trust family members or friends or anyone that you want to talk to.
> 
> the suicide prevention hotline (at least for the usa) is 1-800-273-8255
> 
> please, please reach out. so many people care for you. i promise that it WILL get better. maybe not this second, but it will. do whatever it takes to get yourself out of this pothole, because it’s just a bump on the road. you’ve got a whole drive left in front of you, and those destinations aren’t going to magically show up. you’ve got to get there yourself.
> 
> okay i’m done ranting thanks for reading tell me if i need to warn about anything else or i just need to fix anything okay byeeee


End file.
